Doubt. Belief. Confidence. Fear. Trust. Unbelief. Have you ever had all those feelings wrestling in your spirit? I had them all in mere moments of one another just the other day. My spirit had been convicted of my lack of faith. Got up from my quiet time, confident my heart was set right before Jesus. But in just moments as I was taking my daily walk, the wrestling began. I am in a spiritual battle concerning my trust in God. Trust in what He has promised through His word. Trust that He is who He says He is. Trust that all things are possible even when it looks impossible. I am stuck with Egypt behind me and the Red Sea before me. Is there a way that I just can’t see right now? Faith says to be sure of the things I am hoping for and to be certain in the things that are not seen (Hebrews 11:1). As I was concluding my walk, the word that was given in my spirit was the word to Gideon from the angel of the Lord: “go in the strength you have” (Judges 6:14).
I am wrestling also about what I am supposed to do, and what God is supposed to do. What are my responsibilities? I read the passage about Peter collecting the tax money from a fish. The money was found after Peter went to fish. Jesus told Peter go do what he was trained to do – go fish – and the provisional tax money would be provided in an improbable place – in the fish’s mouth (Matthew 17:24-27). Jesus asked Peter to go back to what he knew for just a short time until the tax money was found. Is this something Jesus is asking me to do? The strength that I have had in my past was financial work. If I go back, is it like I am giving up on what the Lord has called me to do? Or is this just for a short time until the provision is met? Or maybe it’s to get back on track with writing my story. One of the questions circling in my mind: if I knew I could not fail, what would I do?
Lots of questions with very few answers, right now. As I discern the real meaning behind the word given, I have to believe without seeing. I have to trust God and His Word. I should have the confidence in my heart that He’s enough for me even when I see the Red Sea before me. He has a way out that I am not seeing right now. And if I need to fish for a little while, then I have to trust God to move me into the right position for the right time for what I am called to do. I have to quit looking at the waves and just fix my eyes upon Jesus. I have His peace filling every pore of my being. He is the only one who has all the answers! Thank you Jesus!
When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” So Gideon built an altar to the Lord there and called it The Lord is Peace. Judges 6:12,14,24