For the last week or so, I have been in a constant battle over emotional issues. At first, I was missing my Mom. Mother’s Day is just hard. My birthday is also coming up which brings a greater awareness of her absence – she always made me feel special on my day. No one can take her place – it’s just her place in my heart, and there will always be a void there. The places in our hearts that are not filled properly causes emotional turmoil. Loneliness waits for the opportunity to take its place in that emotional void. Sometimes it’s just hard being single. And even when friends or family are around, loneliness can still find its way into that void. It’s a battle that keeps recurring no matter how much I lean on Jesus to be my Lord of everything. We are told in Scripture that God is always with us – He never leaves us or forsakes us. We are made for companionship between Him and us and each other. We are not meant to live life alone. How do we fill up emotionally so that we don’t experience those lonely times?
I took the test of love languages for singles this past week in the midst of my battle of loneliness. My strongest language turned out to be quality time with the second and third closely tied in words of affirmation and gifts. I don’t know if these love languages come from the relationships we have early in life or they are ingrained in our DNA. But my parents do play a major role in how I feel love. My Mom was a gift giver. I believe my Dad’s love language is quality time. Not sure where the words of affirmation comes into play, since I really don’t remember having someone really encouraging me early on. These days my family time hasn’t been the greatest. And I leave with my emotional tank less than full. I know I am loved by my family, but the emotional level isn’t met. Feelings are just fickle. They want what they want!
My family loves television. It’s a constant battle to have a decent conversation without the television going on in the background (or in the foreground as the case maybe). One Sunday after spending time with family, I left feeling quite unsatisfied. I was eager to talk to someone about some problems that I needed to work through. Communication is hard when competing with game shows or golf matches! I think we have a listening problem in this world today. Nobody wants to listen to anybody; but we all want to be heard though. Interruptions are just a way of life with phones ringing or text messages that have everyone’s attention. Recently, I noticed a group of women with their eyes glued to their phones reading messages and not one word was shared between the women sitting next to one another.
We long to be heard but nobody is paying attention. The battle is raging on every front. And we are missing the opportunities to encourage one another to stand strong. No wonder some of us are feeling lonely even when we are in the midst of a crowd. I also have noticed that when talking with someone, if I am not getting my thoughts out quick enough, the subject will be changed or someone will hijack the conversation. Is it just me or does everyone have this problem? But how do I rate my own ability to listen or to express love to my loved ones? Am I meeting their needs? If I understand God’s commands to love one another, then I need to pay attention to who is in front of me and how to meet their emotional needs. Women are emotional creatures, and we need those emotional bonds strengthened at times. It is a battle that we each fight day in and day out. And our enemy loves to get into the mix and cause those emotions to swirl out of control.
We have to be intentional about our times together. We have to be intentional about relationships. An intentional relationship with Jesus is top priority. When I am experiencing loneliness, then I am not spending quality time with my Lord. He is not meeting my needs because I am not giving Him the time to express Himself in love and comfort to me. I tend to rush through my quiet time. I check the box that I have done what I am supposed to do – but that’s not developing a good relationship, that’s only filling a religious ritual. My enemy wins the battle when I focus on my pity party instead of my Comforter. The battle is raging, but we don’t have to let the enemy win. Jesus is enough to meet our every need.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish. Psalm 25:15-17