building on the foundation of Jesus Christ

Archive for the tag “Love Languages”

The Battle Zone

For the last week or so, I have been in a constant battle over emotional issues. At first, I was missing my Mom. Mother’s Day is just hard. My birthday is also coming up which brings a greater awareness of her absence – she always made me feel special on my day. No one can take her place – it’s just her place in my heart, and there will always be a void there. The places in our hearts that are not filled properly causes emotional turmoil. Loneliness waits for the opportunity to take its place in that emotional void. Sometimes it’s just hard being single. And even when friends or family are around, loneliness can still find its way into that void. It’s a battle that keeps recurring no matter how much I lean on Jesus to be my Lord of everything. We are told in Scripture that God is always with us – He never leaves us or forsakes us. We are made for companionship between Him and us and each other. We are not meant to live life alone. How do we fill up emotionally so that we don’t experience those lonely times?

I took the test of love languages for singles this past week in the midst of my battle of loneliness. My strongest language turned out to be quality time with the second and third closely tied in words of affirmation and gifts. I don’t know if these love languages come from the relationships we have early in life or they are ingrained in our DNA. But my parents do play a major role in how I feel love. My Mom was a gift giver. I believe my Dad’s love language is quality time. Not sure where the words of affirmation comes into play, since I really don’t remember having someone really encouraging me early on. These days my family time hasn’t been the greatest. And I leave with my emotional tank less than full. I know I am loved by my family, but the emotional level isn’t met. Feelings are just fickle. They want what they want!

My family loves television. It’s a constant battle to have a decent conversation without the television going on in the background (or in the foreground as the case maybe). One Sunday after spending time with family, I left feeling quite unsatisfied. I was eager to talk to someone about some problems that I needed to work through. Communication is hard when competing with game shows or golf matches! I think we have a listening problem in this world today. Nobody wants to listen to anybody; but we all want to be heard though. Interruptions are just a way of life with phones ringing or text messages that have everyone’s attention. Recently, I noticed a group of women with their eyes glued to their phones reading messages and not one word was shared between the women sitting next to one another.

We long to be heard but nobody is paying attention. The battle is raging on every front. And we are missing the opportunities to encourage one another to stand strong. No wonder some of us are feeling lonely even when we are in the midst of a crowd. I also have noticed that when talking with someone, if I am not getting my thoughts out quick enough, the subject will be changed or someone will hijack the conversation. Is it just me or does everyone have this problem? But how do I rate my own ability to listen or to express love to my loved ones? Am I meeting their needs? If I understand God’s commands to love one another, then I need to pay attention to who is in front of me and how to meet their emotional needs. Women are emotional creatures, and we need those emotional bonds strengthened at times. It is a battle that we each fight day in and day out. And our enemy loves to get into the mix and cause those emotions to swirl out of control.

We have to be intentional about our times together. We have to be intentional about relationships. An intentional relationship with Jesus is top priority. When I am experiencing loneliness, then I am not spending quality time with my Lord. He is not meeting my needs because I am not giving Him the time to express Himself in love and comfort to me. I tend to rush through my quiet time. I check the box that I have done what I am supposed to do – but that’s not developing a good relationship, that’s only filling a religious ritual. My enemy wins the battle when I focus on my pity party instead of my Comforter. The battle is raging, but we don’t have to let the enemy win. Jesus is enough to meet our every need.

My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish. Psalm 25:15-17

Love Language

Last week, I wrote about love. This seems to be a theme for me right now. Back before the holidays, I was searching for my “love language.” How do I experience love? I was struggling with my Mom not being with me anymore. She showed her love by giving gifts. But I found my language was about quality time. When I was processing all this information, I had an epiphany. Jesus’ love language is about “acts of service.” We show love to Him by serving others. I know; I should have known this all along. But it finally registered with me. I wrote about this also in my first blog in 2013. (I know, I’m repeating myself again.)

I am currently in the Beth Moore Bible study called “James Mercy Triumphs.” There was one point she made on this particular day – “Live It.” We are to live out our faith. Faith without works is a dead faith. I’ve heard this time and time again. I get it. I go home from the study group and listen to a sermon while I eat lunch. It was awesome! But the main take away was this: we are to serve others if we are to be successful in this life (success in God’s viewpoint not the worlds). It’s not about me. The preacher issued the challenge to make God first priority, others second and ourselves third. If we do it in that order, we would change our world, and we would change the world.

God had already spoken to me about this before the holidays. Did I ignore the “suggestion” about serving others or did it slip my mind? It doesn’t really matter at this point. I need to find a place to serve in the community. I need to be out in the world serving others. I need to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I need to show that I really do love Jesus. It’s good to have this revelation, but I need to put things into action. There is too much to do for the sake of the kingdom and time is growing short. It’s time to change the world!

I am changing my mindset – “It’s not about me.” my new theme. I love Jesus! It’s time to show it.

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:14-17

Receiving Gifts

I have been looking at the five love languages trying to determine how I receive love. One of the “languages” is receiving gifts. I have experienced the loss of my Mom around special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas because she was a gift giver. This year, I must admit, I have been experiencing more sadness and even a bit of anger over Christmas this year. My focus has been on the loss of Mom and not on what I consider my primary love language which is quality time with my family. The circumstances have changed this year over the last two years. I have given Satan an opportunity in my circumstance. I have kept my focus on things that are temporal instead of focusing on the eternal gift of Jesus. Satan has used my circumstance to cause my anger and keep me focused on what I have lost.

Jesus’ birth was announced by the angel to the shepherds. They went to see for themselves what the angel had spoken about. Once they saw Him, they went out to tell others what they had seen. Jesus came to give an eternal gift of life. God is the author of love languages. He gave us the best gift of Jesus. Jesus came to take away the sins of everyone who believes in Him. How awesome is that gift of the first Christmas? Why should I focus on something so insignificant as temporal gifts rather than the true gift of Christmas? Nothing can compare to His precious gift. When I focus on the temporal, it is disappointing; it is less than I desire. Nothing I get for Christmas will ever compare to what Jesus gave to me first and foremost. I received the best gift about forty years ago, but I have only come to realize how precious that gift truly is.

I am reminded that the shepherds rushed to share what they had been given. They were given a precious gift of being the first to know Jesus. No one else was visited by an angel. No one else went to see the baby Jesus. The wise men saw a new star. They started on a journey to find the true meaning of the star. When they found out about the star, they went to find the child responsible for changing the heavens. They too had an experience with Jesus. Although they took gifts to Jesus, Jesus ultimately gave them the true gift. Did they receive it? We’ll find out the rest of the story in heaven. How awesome will it be when we come to the place where we will hear the rest of the stories in heaven! That is truly a gift to share!

For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17

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