It started Friday morning. I guess you could call it a bit of a “freaking out” moment (or two or ten). I am in a desperate place, and the only thing that can save the day is Jesus. I have been pretty self-sufficient most of my life. I have always had a good job, a place to live, plenty of food to eat and love from my family. But is that all what God wants for me? Is it all about my happiness; my well-being? Or does God have a different agenda? Sure, I am blessed to be in the place that I reside – spiritually speaking as well as physically speaking. However, on Friday I was freaking out because I was looking at my current circumstances with an economic picture that isn’t too bright – right now. I don’t know how to resolve my needs – everything I have decided to do has really come to a dead-end.
That afternoon, I took the exit ramp off the freeway to go to the grocery store where I encountered a hand painted sign at the stop light that read “Trust God.” Never seen the sign before, it was just there right where I needed to see it. Thank you, Jesus, for the reminder. My anxiousness left me, until Saturday. Saturday I was mowing my lawn when the lawnmower broke. The anxiety returned – how am I going to fix my mower? My hot water heater too is acting up. How am I going to get a new heater? Anxious moments again filled my heart. My circumstances cause my peace to vanish, and my anxiety to return.
I have been fretting – I don’t worry, fretting sounds better – how all of my problems are going to be resolved? When is the deliverance coming? I have come to the end of my own resources, and God is telling me to trust Him. I get it. I do. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. But I am still anxious about the timing. Is God going to delay the answer so that I can learn a new lesson (or an old lesson that I have yet to grasp)? I know God is not punishing me, but is there another reason that I am not hearing from Him? Has an answer been sent that I missed along the way? Is there sin left unchecked? These are the things that circulate in my mind when I am fretting. Is there any truth to what is circulating?
These are irritations to my little life in my comfortable bubble. James MacDonald was teaching this past weekend in a Southeast Asian country that is closed to the Gospel. He reminded me in his teaching that God has a different agenda than what we see in human terms. His agenda is not about our comfort; it’s not about our happiness. Pastor MacDonald said it’s not even about justice or even God’s love shown to the people of the world. It’s greater than all of that. God’s agenda is really about God’s glory, and the exaltation of His Son Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth. Pastor MacDonald gave the point, that “when we take care of what’s on God’s heart then He’ll take care of what’s on ours.” Point served and received.
When I am stressing about my future, I am seeing it through my own eyes. There’s more to my circumstance than I can see with my physical eyes. Psalm 118:17 says “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.” My troubles are not for me to wallow in but to give God the glory in. I may not see how things will work out right now, but God’s Word says it’s all good – He’s got this (my interpretation of Romans 8:28). Stay tuned to see how God fixes my mess! And seriously, is my mess really that important in the grand scheme of life and death? Nope, I will live through the trial regardless of what the outcome will be.
“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. Luke 12:29-32 (The Message)
I needed to read this today! Thank you for sharing your heart:)
Thanks Tasha – glad it encouraged you as well.