Over the last several weeks, I have been staring at a blank page. I am not feeling very inspired. I have started out with a few thoughts and have ended up tossing it in the “garbage” can. I don’t know why I am blocked right now, but it’s a bit disconcerting. I know that I am called to write about my story, but I have yet to get down to it. I keep waiting for the words to come but nothing. Not one word seems to be flowing. I have prayed about it – seeking guidance about the blockage. Everybody keeps telling me that the timing will be right when I finally get it written. I just don’t want to be disobedient by not doing what I know I am supposed to be doing.
Over the last few weeks, I have been greatly distracted. My Dad had a few episodes of illness that hasn’t quite been resolved. It has weighed upon me. My Dad is very special to me. My Mom died about six years ago. She asked my sisters and me to take care of Dad, but since he got remarried about four years ago it’s been more a “spirit” of taking care of him instead of a “physical” task. About the time my Dad came down with his illness, I started having house issues that needed my attention. I listen to the news and the overwhelming issues that catch my attention just gives me even greater distractions. It seems that one thing just leads to another. It has given me the sense there are multiple plates spinning, and they are all about to come crashing down.
I have managed to get the blog posts and newsletters written in a timely manner. But that’s just because God is gracious to help me even when I can’t seem to focus. Somehow it all comes together. It would seem that He would do that for the book as well, if I tried to sit down and just start the process. But my head is just a jumbled mess right now. Does anyone relate? I keep thinking that when the weather is bad, I will have ample reason to write. I can’t do anything outside – but the snow needs to be removed from the driveway. The dogs aren’t barking to keep me from writing either since the owners have kept them inside on these snowy, cold days. But I get distracted with doing my taxes, budgeting expenses for the month, reordering supplies, etc; it just seems to be endless with distractions.
When it comes down to it, I think I just have a problem with the subject matter – me. Telling my story isn’t that complicated. The problem is I don’t want to be that vulnerable – to be that open before the world. I know God would like to get the glory of what He’s done in my life, even if it doesn’t seem to be such a big deal to me. He has asked me to share so that it may help someone else who struggles in the way that I have struggled. My story is part of the larger story – the restoration of our relationship with God. He began a good work in the beginning, and He will complete it in the end. My story doesn’t seem to be that great unless I truly look at it from His perspective. There was nothing I could do to restore my relationship with Him. I was far from Him, but He drew me near by the cross of Jesus.
The Bible seems to be just a mass of stories from the first page to the last. But there is only one theme throughout each page – Jesus. I never really contemplated how my story fits into His story, but it does. Every person has a story that fits into God’s story of redemption. We all fall short of God’s perfection, but Jesus redeems us so that we can fit into His story. One day, the distractions will no longer distract me, and I will start the work. The blank page will be filled with the work of Jesus in my life. One day, He will get all the glory. One day, it will be finished, and the work that was started will be completed. The page is blank right now, but it is all going to come together at the right time and in the right way!
Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:2-3