I have been struggling with an eye problem off and on for a year now. Not both eyes, just my right one. It’s very annoying and frustrating. I have often thought: “why has this been allowed?” I know this is very minor compared to all the ones really suffering from disease. It’s trivial, I know. But it’s still annoying me to the point of screaming sometimes. When it’s aggravated, it itches and nothing will lessen it. I can’t figure out the cause, and I’ve tried to find the root but nothing is coming close to understanding it. I have prayed for healing many times in the past. Right now, I am still suffering with it. I have to trust God will bring me understanding through it or use the lesson for His purpose.
As I have been considering this ailment, I recognize another avenue to explore and further consider. Is this an attack for a spiritual reason? I am at the end of writing my story, for the most part. I am done with the majority of the work. Is Satan using my eye problem to keep me distracted? I know when I am under the influence of this problem I have a real time trying to focus on what needs to be done. It has even gotten me discouraged at times. So this is a possibility that I am dealing with a spiritual warfare issue.
Another thought has come about through careful consideration. I have been focused on my “I” problem. I do too much focusing on my issues and not others. God has used this time over the last few weeks to show me how self-involved I truly am. This is not a good thing. I know people who are truly suffering with health concerns. I do bring their issues before God but usually it will be as an afterthought and not forethought. This is not who I want to be. Since the “I” problem has been revealed, it’s time to make some changes. I want to be who God wants me to be. I want to focus on others more than I do on me.
My pastor spoke about surrendering one Sunday morning. This has been a theme over the last couple of weeks. I have spoken to God about surrendering. Yet, I still have issues with this concept. I don’t consider the eternal purposes of God. Peter was rebuked when he didn’t have the right perspective about Jesus dying. I need to consider God’s viewpoint and not mine. I need to surrender to the plan of God. Does “it” glorify God or does “it” only concern me? How is what I’m experiencing reflect God to others? When I finally “get it” maybe my eye problem will be finally resolved. Until then Jesus, keep after me until I have the purposes of God in mind before anything else!
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? Luke 9:23-25