I hate to cry. It makes my eyes all puffy, my nose run forever, my sinuses get all messed up, etc. But there is a benefit to crying. They say that tears of grief are different from tears of joy. I know in my heart, it feels different. I was reminded on this particular morning how different my heart feels when I cry. I was experiencing a good morning of joy in my heart. I had a good devotional time rejoicing in my freedom from death due to my sin. I picked up one of the many books I am currently reading and read another chapter from the Magnificent Obsession by Anne Graham Lotz. The book follows the life of Abraham. This particular chapter was on Sarah’s death. Anne writes about the death of her beloved Mother. It brought the memories of my Mom’s death to the forefront of my mind. And I wept.
My Mom’s death was three years ago this month. I don’t have many spells of grief anymore, but on days like today, it comes back like a wave. Thankfully, the wave doesn’t last long not like when the grief was still fresh. My grief doesn’t come without hope. I have the hope that one day I will see her again. I mourn on this day because I miss my Mom’s presence. I miss her calls. I miss the opportunity to have a hug, a kiss or just sit with her talking about the ordinary stuff.
I take comfort that Jesus knows my grief. He knows my heart grieves for my loss of fellowship with my beloved Mom. He felt the loss of Lazarus through Martha and Mary. He felt their pain, and wept with them. I believe my tears were felt as well. Jesus knows that the tears that came after the tears of joy were different. He saw my heart went from joy to sorrow. But my heart didn’t stay in sorrow. I am more joyful now because I know one day I will see her again. She is with Jesus, and she will be meeting me one day in a joyful place. My heart rejoices in the promises of Jesus. I have included one of Mom’s favorite verses below. She knew the promise and wanted her family to remember it as well. I believe it!
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:1-3